I'm Not Who I Was....Sometimes

I am Brandon Heath nuts right now...please bear with me. :) Take a look at the video and then proceed to my humble scrawling.




Brandon Heath - I'm Not Who I Was

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
______________________________________________

I love this song. It states with beautiful clarity the transforming power of coming to know Christ. Before Christ we are one thing, and after Christ we become something different. We see life different. We see hope different. We see death different. The list can go on and on. But, as the old saying goes, “The more things change, the more things remain the same.”

Now, I am not saying that Christ does not change us, because it is very clear that He does. What I am saying is that the change that takes place is as much a part of what we do as it is what Christ does. (Oh, I can just hear some people now, “Heretic!”…Just let me finish my thought, then feel free to leave a comment) :)

My point: The moment I realized I NEEDED Christ, you know really NEEDED Christ, I knew that my life would never be the same. And, it has NOT been the same. Life has been different. I know that I am accountable for the things I do every day and the way I walk the path that He has put before me. I know that when I walk, I do not walk alone. I know that my heart aches to be more like Him. My life has changed in dramatic ways. So technically, I’m not who I was. But, let’s look at this from a different angle.

Can I ask a question? If the transformation that takes place was all in God’s hands, then wouldn’t it be over at that moment that He came into our life? The transformation would be complete and I would no longer have any struggles to stay on the “straight and narrow.” Can I ask another question? Do any of you that have already claimed Christ as you Lord and Savior ever have a hard time staying on the “straight and narrow”, or is it just me?

I have struggles daily. I have those times in my life that I think to myself, “Brad, you just blew it that time.” I have those times in my life that if the world witnessed my actions they would never have guessed that I was a Christian. I am not alone in this. Paul said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” If Paul failed, isn’t it alright to admit that we do also. Struggles come daily, and I do not always handle them the way I should.

So, maybe I do have to do something for the whole transformation thing to take place. What could that be......?

Luke 9:23 says, “Then he said to them all: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’” Did you pick up the important word in this sentence? Deny…No. Cross…No. Follow…No. All of these are great words that we do need to practice, but it is not the important word in regards to this post. The important word is DAILY. We are to daily take up our cross. We are to daily die to ourselves and say to Christ, “I choose to follow You and let You guide my day.” There are days that I am Superman at doing this. There are days that as soon as my feet hit the ground I put my fist on my hips and proclaim with strength in my voice (you can just see the cape flapping behind me can’t you), “I am ready, willing and excited to allow Christ to take control today!” But, can I be honest. Those days do not happen as frequently as I would like. No, most days my feet hit the floor and my knuckles drag the floor and I mumble under my breath, “Oh, crap…another day.” I am about to admit something that may not shock a lot of people reading this post: It is during the knuckle dragging days that I am not proud of the things I do. It is during the knuckle dragging days that I echo Paul and say, “What I hate I do!”

So, does it take action on our part for the transformation to take place…I think so. Do we have to do more than just accept Christ as our Lord…I think so. Is this “action” we are to take something that has to happen every day…I think so. Is it hard to do this…I know so.

Am I more than I once was…I think so, but man does it take some work. (Which is what I think Brandon is saying) :)

Keep Looking Up!

I Lost One Of My Heros

I lost one of my hero’s yesterday.

This hero of mine was not a hero because of anything that he did with sports. This hero of mine was not a hero because of did anything in the music or movie industry. This hero of mine was not a hero because of what he did in politics. This hero of mine was a hero because of how he lived his life from day to day.

I only had the honor of meeting this hero of mine once, but it was at this encounter that John Sills became one of my heroes. John had come to Houston with his lovely wife Alicia to seek treatment for the cancer that was raging within his body. My wife and Alicia had been communicating with each other via email for some time, so when we found out that they were close we had to set up a meeting. Now, this is where I have to be honest. I wanted to meet John and Alicia so that they understood that they were not in this battle alone. I wanted them to know that our prayers and support were always going to be with them. I wanted to go to be a sign of strength for them in this very hard time. Those are the reasons that “I” wanted to go. I will now begin to tell you why GOD wanted me to go.

God wanted me to go to meet a true hero. You see, when we met in that simple “hamburger joint” to share a meal, I did not know what God had in store for me. We had a great visit. My wife and Alicia seemed to truly enjoy getting to finally meet after all those years of email communication. The typical joyful banter went back and forth across the table for several minutes. During this time, I was sitting next to my wife in the booth thinking to myself that they probably did not want to talk about “the illness”. I have worked years as a Hospice Chaplin! I have spent years studying and applying grief counseling in all kinds of very difficult situations! I know how people handle situations like these! You know what, I didn’t know diddly! After a few minutes of the “get to know you talk”, we began to move very comfortably into discussion of the journey that this lovely couple was walking together. Alicia moved the conversation the most. John seemed very tired from the traveling and all the tests, but when he did speak peace flowed from his words. John did not speak with perfect “theological” terminology (you know what I'm talking about, it seems that some try to fill moments like these with theology...like it will somehow make everyone feel better), but when he did speak a confidence of knowing that God was with him came out very clearly. His words were few, but the peace that covered him spoke volumes. I was in the presence of a true hero.

I am not here today to tell you that John is a hero because EVERY moment of his life portrayed such confidence. I was not with him every day. I know that he was human. I know that there were probably those times when the halls of his mind where only he and God dwell were filled with thoughts of fear, unknowing, and sadness. I am here to tell you that he is one of my hero’s because of these thoughts. He is one of my hero’s because he faced the path that God had placed him on with courage. Mark Twain once said, “It is curious—curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.” That is why John is one of my hero’s. He was placed on a path that none of us want to walk and stood with Moral Courage and said, “Thy will be done.” John is a hero because he proved that an illness can tear at your body but not have to also tear at your soul.

At 4:50 am on March 9th, this world became less of what it once was and heaven became just that much more.

We love you John.

I Need HIS Eyes

I am going to post a video that puts into Song what I think my Zombie friend put very clearly in words. I know I did not ask your permission first Zombie (sorry my friend) :)



Brandon Heath
Give Me Your Eyes lyrics

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Yeah
Yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Chorus

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all along

Chorus (x2)

Failure Is An Option...Or At Least I Hope It Is

Failure is not an option! Second place is the first loser! We need to focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses!

Any of that sound familiar?

We live in a world today that teaches us that we are not allowed to fail. We hate having to discuss failure with our children and seeing the pain that it causes them to the extent that we never allow them to fail. But this leads me to a question: It that realistic?

I mean really, is there anyone out there that has never failed? Anyone?

I heard the other day that Donald Trump is filing for bankruptcy. Again! This is the guy that has written books, done seminars, and placed his mug in front of as many cameras as he could touting that he knows what it takes to succeed. But, then he fails!

Can I tell everyone a dirty little secret? Shhhhhhh, come close……I HAVE FAILED!!!!

There have been times in my life that I have felt like such a failure that I never thought I would feel anything different.

But, I have learned a lot through my failure:
- I learned I better keep my eyes on the field and don’t look up at the ball when covering a punt. (That one hurt)
- I learned that winning does not always have to be reflected on the scoreboard.
- I learned that if you treat girls that way, they may not want to have anything to do with you.
- I learned that doing the right thing can cost you a job. (Yeah, I know that one is not really failure, but to many people on the outside who saw the job loss. They probably thought I was a failure with knowing the details)
- I learned that once you say a word, it can never be taken back.
- I learned the tighter I held on to something the more it slipped through my fingers.
- I learned that I can not control everything.
- I learned you better love and cherish those friends and family you have, because they will not be there forever.
- I learned I NEEDED Christ!

It is this last one that I want to focus on for a moment.

You see, there were things about scripture that I did not understand for a long time. (There are still a lot of things I do not understand, but that is another very lengthy post) Here is the one that kept me up at night the most: How can Christ teach us that it is in our weakness that we become strong. Really! Strength through Weakness! Huh? Because in the world that I see, if you even admit that you have a weakness you are kept at the bottom of the ladder. Because in the world that I see, our children are only hearing how great they are and how much “stuff” they “deserve” because we don’t want them to have any negative feelings or a bad self image. I am not seeing a world that embraces ones weakness. So, Christ must be setting us up to fail, right……Far from it.

In my life, it was when I was able to finally accept my weaknesses and my failures that I realized that Christ gave me a way to overcome them. Do I overcome them through understanding the psychology behind why I make those mistakes in life? No. Do I overcome them by developing a stronger core and therefore allowing the failures to fall away? No. I overcome them by going to Christ each and every day and letting Him know that I know that I am a failure. Then out of the Goodness of God and His Strength, He picks me up and looks me in the eyes and lets me know that through Him I can do all things. His Strength through my weakness. It is at that moment that I feel the greatest strength that I have ever felt and know that victory is possible. It is at that moment that I truly feel comfortable being who I am and who God made me to be.

Do I feel this strength at all times? No. And because I do not always feel this strength, those feelings of failure tend to creep back up and weigh me down. I begin to P&M (lets just call it pout and moan) and feel that the world is out to get me. I begin to get angry with myself and feel that I am not good enough for God. I look around at all the “Good Christians” that have it all together and wish I knew how they “lived the right life”. (When they really don’t, they just like to put on the face of having it all together….don’t get me started on that) I begin to crawl back to Christ to let Him know that I am not worthy to be around Him and that I have decided not waste His time with one more failure. And when I lift my face from the dirt, I see Him standing there holding a sign that reads, “Failures Welcome”.

As Christians we want to know how to shine the Light of Christ to world. Maybe we should allow the world to see our weaknesses. Maybe we should hang a sign over the entry of our churches that reads, “Failures Dwell Within, Come Join Us”…..then maybe His strength will shine through our lives.

Keep Looking Up!

The more I try to control things the more I realize I have control of nothing

This is one of my favorite songs right now. Again, I hope to elaborate with my thoughts, but right now I will just let the song speak for itself.

Keep Looking Up



Third Day
Revelation

My life,
Has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that's gone
This time,
I know that you are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

My life,
Has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn I'm always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without...

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won't You show me where I need to go
Oh oh
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation...

I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

Laughter is Contagious

Everyone needs a good laugh! This laughter is contagious.

God Bless and Keep Looking Up

Is There Anything You Still Run From? I do.

Since I don't have a lot of time and too tired to write, I may be expressing myself through these videos.

Maybe when I have more time I will go into more detail, but even if you don't like rock music you have to appreciate the story this video tells.

God Bless and Keep Looking Up



RED
"Death of Me"

I should have seen those signs all around me,
But I was comfortable inside these wounds;
So go ahead and take another piece of me now
While we all bow down to you;

You tear me down and then you pick me up,
You take it all and still it’s not enough,
You try to tell me you can heal me,
But I’m still bleeding and you’ll be
The death of me!

How can you end my affliction
If you’re the sickness and I’m the cure?
Too long I’ve faked this addiction,
Another sacrifice to make us pure;

You tear me down and then you pick me up,
You take it all and still it’s not enough,
You try to tell me you can heal me,
But I’m still bleeding and you’ll be
The death of me!

You tear me down and then you pick me up,
You take it all and still it’s not enough,
You try to tell me you can heal me,
But I’m still bleeding and you’ll be
The death of me!

I won’t forget;
I cannot forget this;
I won’t forget;
I’ll never forget this;
I won’t forget;
I cannot forget this;
I won’t forget;
I’ll never forget this;

I won’t forget!
I cannot forget this!
I won’t forget!
I’ll never forget!

You know I can never prove this solution;
You aren’t the one that I thought you were;
And so I learn to embrace this illusion,
The line that separates- it starts to blur;

You tear me down and then you pick me up,
You take it all and say it’s not enough,
You try to tell me you can heal me,
But I’m still bleeding and you’ll be
The death of me!

And you’ll be the death of me!

I will not forget!
I cannot forget this!
And you’ll be the death of me

How would you do it?

I saw this and thought it might be good for others to see.

It also made me ask a question of myself that I will pass on to you guys:

How would you do it?

Let me know what you think.

Keep Looking Up