Yes baby...He hears it

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I were attending a church service. At this particular church, they have one service a month were the entire family comes together and sits with their entire church family and worships God together. While looking at the large video screen positioned just left of the stage (they meet in the commons area of a local junior high school) with beautiful backgrounds of crosses floating behind the words of the praise song we lifted to our Lord, my almost five year old (I was holding her in my arms so that she could see over the people standing in front of us) turns her head and looks me straight in the eye and asked in a reverent whisper, "Daddy, does God hear us sing?" I fought back tears because of the beauty of the moment, just recounting the story now brings tears to my eyes. I was able to look into her beautiful brown eyes, while holding back those tears, and say with assurance in my voice, "Yes baby...He hears it."

Have you ever stopped and pondered this fact? I know that there are many people that do not believe that God hears us as we pray or scream due to whatever pain we may have in our lives, but I do. And because I do believe that He hears us, I also have my moments of complete awe because of this simple fact....God hears us...God listens...God cares. I have heard many sermons on the different "common themes" that weave their way through scripture. But the common thread that I tend to hold tightly to is this...LOVE. You see: God loved us enough to create us. God loved us enough to drive us out of the garden. God loved us enough to save us from ourselves. God loved us enough to put us into slavery. God loved us enough to provide us a new home. God loved us enough to send his messengers and leaders to us. God loved us enough to send us THE MESSAGE. God loved us enough to allow that MESSAGE to die on a cross so that our line of communication could then be made complete. We can go straight to Him. We no longer have to pay for a temple priest to take our sacrifice and offer it up to God on our behalf. We can now enter into the presence of the God of All ourselves. That fact humbles me. That fact makes me want to fall to knees and get as flat on the ground as I can and let Him know that I am not worthy of such an audience. But the God that loves, picks me up and dusts me off and looks me in the eyes and says, "Yes baby...I hear you".

AMEN

Sleep Walking

Just last night, I was actually able to stay up past 9:30 so I decided to watch a little TV in the living room....wait, this is not where I need to start this story.

The story really begins with this small fact: I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter that still comes and climbs in bed with my wife and I almost every night. She is a little thing for 4 1/2 years old, (I think she is drawing her gene structure from my dads side of the family. My grandmother liked to say she was 5 foot, but everyone knew she was more like 4' 10") but that does not keep her from kicking me in the back, slapping me in the face and keeping me up with her conversations in her sleep that always tend to end with a short little giggle. (Hey, at least they are good dreams)

Every night when I am tucking her in, our deep brown eyes connect (hers are much prettier though) and I beg her with all my strength to please not come into Mommy and Daddy's bed tonight. She smiles with a smile that she knows melts my heart and looks at me and says, "OK Daddy". Both of us know this will not happen. Both of us know this is just a routine. A little "game" we play if you will. I leave her room knowing later tonight I will get a swift kick in the back that would make any place kicker in the NFL proud, and she watches me leave her room with the thought floating in her head, "See you in a little while Daddy." Or so I thought.

Last night while watching TV, I began to hear small steps coming down the stairs. I quickly spoke up and told whoever the "sneaker" may be that it was time to go to bed. The steps kept moving down, not up. This was of interest to me because for as much hair as I am losing (and yes I blame the kids for that), my kids are very good at doing what they are asked to do. They may try to state their case first, but they know that in the end what Mommy and Daddy says is what will be done. But the steps did not reverse course, and there was no pleading to hear them out. Just the footsteps continuing down stairs. So, I waited. Only a few seconds later entered my youngest into the entry way of the living room. She was wiping the hair from her face with a small smile while looking around the room as if she was entering the room for the first time. You know what I mean, it is that look you see when someone comes into a majestic church or building and looks around with that, "Wow this is a cool room" look on their face. Again, I was intrigued. I waited until she shuffled about half way across the floor and then announced to her in a very soft voice that it was time for her to go back to her bed. She stopped, looked in my general direction with her smile and headed to my bedroom. It was at this time the parent came out in me; it was time for me to go into my room, pick her up, and let her know while heading to her room that she does not just ignore Daddy that way. But as soon as I was about to get up and put my plan into motion, she comes out of my room and heads across the living room again as if she was going back to her room. (She still had that cute little smile) Confusion began to set in, until I notice her follow this pattern two more times one right after the other. And then it hit me...She is sleep walking.

While sitting there I began to understand she does not realize she is coming to our room most nights. I saw that all those times in her room while tucking her in, she had every intention of waking up in her own bed, and somehow ended up in ours. At this moment, I very softly walked up to her, picked her up, carried her to my room and gently placed her in my bed. I could do nothing else. How could I deny the subconscious desires of my daughter to be in a place she feels most comfortable and protected? I know one day she will grow out of this, so from now on Daddy will not be giving her such a hard time.

After I sat back down in the living room to complete the show I was watching, I began to think. All of the times in my life that I feel I am sleepwalking came rushing over me. Those times when I seem to be just "coasting" through life. Those times when my wife or a friend look at me funny and I realize they have been having an in depth conversation with me, but I did not hear a word. Those times in my life when I feel I have lost something, and I'm not sure if I will ever be the same. It always seems to be these times in life I begin to feel lost and uneasy with where I am. I begin to have those fears that creep up on us by just living. It is at these times I really want to feel comfortable and protected, and sadly most times don't know where to turn and end up just roaming aimlessly through my day. After these realizations, I prayed. "Lord, do I have that kind of relationship with you? Do I have such an intimate trust of You that my soul longs to find You when I am at my weakest moments? Lord, help me to be the kind of man that when I am sleeping walking in life something inside of me always leads me to You....Amen."

How Did I Get Here?

We all have dreams of what we wanted to do or what we are going to do with our lives. Am I the only one that has ever looked at their life and wonder…"How in the world did I ever get here?" May I bore you for a moment? May I take you down the path that I believed I would be on and then let you know where I am? I will try to make this a brief and as painless as possible.

In May of 2000 I graduated from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Ft. Worth, TX. In my mind, all of my dreams were finally coming true. I was married the greatest woman on the plant, had a brand new baby girl, and was setting to make my mark on the history of this small blue marble floating through space. If you would have asked me what I saw myself doing by the time I was 37 years old I would have said that I was going to be a minister (you notice I said minister…some come out of seminary saying they are going to be pastors, youth ministers, or missionaries…I didn't care…as long as I was doing what God wanted me to do) that gave everything to his God, his family, and his church. (Yes, in that order) I was going to be an author. In my mind I was going to be another Max Lucado. My words were going to leap off of the page and penetrate the hearts of the readers and inspire them to be great, both for themselves and for God. (Yeah, I know. Many that read these words will think…."Really, your blog is fun to read but you are no Max Lucado." I know, but a man can dream can't he.) I was going to be a sought-after speaker traveling around the world sharing with people how Christ can change our lives for good if we will just allow Him to move us freely. My dreams were set, and I knew that every one of them were exactly what God wanted for me. They had to be; look at all the great things that were going to happen in God's name because of my dreams.

Where I am at 37 years old is nowhere near what I just shared. I have been working for the last three years in the Records and Information Management field (people in the industry like to call it Information Architecture or Knowledge Management…it sounds cool) and have just recently been hired as the RIM Supervisor for a major company. I get up at 5 am to go to work and spend all day digging through boxes, working with information in our ECM system (Electronic Content Management) and managing our entire process to make sure that information can be stored and retrieve easily for all of our employees in the Americas Region. I then go home to a wife that also works and we begin dancing. Not in the romantic way you are thinking about. We begin a ballet set to the music of _______ (Add any hard rock band here…whatever would cause that feeling inside that your insides are shaking) and spend the rest of the day taking kids to whatever practice they have to go to, helping with homework (I now have three that are school age…wow), helping with dinner, getting baths, brushing teeth and putting to bed just in time for me to pass out either on the couch or in bed by about 9:30 pm or 10:00 at the latest. Then, I wake up at 5 am to do it all over again. (Not a lot of time for writing in there…hence almost a year without a post) :)

There have been many days that I stand there and look at my life and think, "Where is the church I am suppose to be ministering to? Where are the books on the bookshelf that I was to have written by now? Where are all of the speaking engagements that are supposed to be on my calendar? What happened with all of the dreams that I had? I then stand outside in my backyard with my hands raised to sky and cry out to my Lord….Thank You!!!!!

Yes, I know that this entire post has been set up to make you think that I believe that there is something missing in my life, and there very easily could be if Christ were not in charge. You see, there have been many times (and I'm sure there will be more) that I have sat in my chair at work or at home and thought that the path that God has me on is the wrong one. But as soon as those thoughts start to try to take control, Christ reminds me that I am not here to walk the path that "I" want to walk. I am here to walk that path that "HE" wants me to walk. Casting Crowns has a song named "Somewhere in the Middle." Biblical Truths flow from the lyrics of this song as strong as the Mississippi River. The chorus says this:

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or, are we caught in the middle?
Are we caught in the middle?

There is enough here in the chorus for me to write pages, but once again…I will try not to bore you. :) The part that really catches my eye for this post is this one, "With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is. But will we trade our dreams for His or, are we caught in the middle?" How powerful are those words.

There have been so many times in my life that I have tried to make God be what "I" wanted Him to be. I tried to put Him in a nice neat little package that made me feel comfortable with where I was in life and what I was doing. But we cannot expect God to stay in the little boxes that we build for Him. His is just too big and much too great to be limited in such ways. We have to be willing let go of the "God we want" and allow Him to be the "God He is". When we do this we begin to see life in an entirely new light. We begin to see that the dreams we have may not be exactly what He wants for us, even if they seem to do so much for Him. It then becomes easier for us to think of the possibilities of allowing ourselves to lay down "our" dreams and pick up "His" dreams for our lives. If we do not, then we are caught in the middle.

So, I may not be living the dreams that I dreamed earlier in my life but I can say that I am living the dreams that God has for me right now, and these dreams are pretty sweet.

Lord help us to see that when our dreams for our lives die, all we need to do is pick up Your dreams for our lives.

(Just so you know…this was going to be a topic of a book I wanted to write…I'm just too tired) :)