Sleep Walking

Just last night, I was actually able to stay up past 9:30 so I decided to watch a little TV in the living room....wait, this is not where I need to start this story.

The story really begins with this small fact: I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter that still comes and climbs in bed with my wife and I almost every night. She is a little thing for 4 1/2 years old, (I think she is drawing her gene structure from my dads side of the family. My grandmother liked to say she was 5 foot, but everyone knew she was more like 4' 10") but that does not keep her from kicking me in the back, slapping me in the face and keeping me up with her conversations in her sleep that always tend to end with a short little giggle. (Hey, at least they are good dreams)

Every night when I am tucking her in, our deep brown eyes connect (hers are much prettier though) and I beg her with all my strength to please not come into Mommy and Daddy's bed tonight. She smiles with a smile that she knows melts my heart and looks at me and says, "OK Daddy". Both of us know this will not happen. Both of us know this is just a routine. A little "game" we play if you will. I leave her room knowing later tonight I will get a swift kick in the back that would make any place kicker in the NFL proud, and she watches me leave her room with the thought floating in her head, "See you in a little while Daddy." Or so I thought.

Last night while watching TV, I began to hear small steps coming down the stairs. I quickly spoke up and told whoever the "sneaker" may be that it was time to go to bed. The steps kept moving down, not up. This was of interest to me because for as much hair as I am losing (and yes I blame the kids for that), my kids are very good at doing what they are asked to do. They may try to state their case first, but they know that in the end what Mommy and Daddy says is what will be done. But the steps did not reverse course, and there was no pleading to hear them out. Just the footsteps continuing down stairs. So, I waited. Only a few seconds later entered my youngest into the entry way of the living room. She was wiping the hair from her face with a small smile while looking around the room as if she was entering the room for the first time. You know what I mean, it is that look you see when someone comes into a majestic church or building and looks around with that, "Wow this is a cool room" look on their face. Again, I was intrigued. I waited until she shuffled about half way across the floor and then announced to her in a very soft voice that it was time for her to go back to her bed. She stopped, looked in my general direction with her smile and headed to my bedroom. It was at this time the parent came out in me; it was time for me to go into my room, pick her up, and let her know while heading to her room that she does not just ignore Daddy that way. But as soon as I was about to get up and put my plan into motion, she comes out of my room and heads across the living room again as if she was going back to her room. (She still had that cute little smile) Confusion began to set in, until I notice her follow this pattern two more times one right after the other. And then it hit me...She is sleep walking.

While sitting there I began to understand she does not realize she is coming to our room most nights. I saw that all those times in her room while tucking her in, she had every intention of waking up in her own bed, and somehow ended up in ours. At this moment, I very softly walked up to her, picked her up, carried her to my room and gently placed her in my bed. I could do nothing else. How could I deny the subconscious desires of my daughter to be in a place she feels most comfortable and protected? I know one day she will grow out of this, so from now on Daddy will not be giving her such a hard time.

After I sat back down in the living room to complete the show I was watching, I began to think. All of the times in my life that I feel I am sleepwalking came rushing over me. Those times when I seem to be just "coasting" through life. Those times when my wife or a friend look at me funny and I realize they have been having an in depth conversation with me, but I did not hear a word. Those times in my life when I feel I have lost something, and I'm not sure if I will ever be the same. It always seems to be these times in life I begin to feel lost and uneasy with where I am. I begin to have those fears that creep up on us by just living. It is at these times I really want to feel comfortable and protected, and sadly most times don't know where to turn and end up just roaming aimlessly through my day. After these realizations, I prayed. "Lord, do I have that kind of relationship with you? Do I have such an intimate trust of You that my soul longs to find You when I am at my weakest moments? Lord, help me to be the kind of man that when I am sleeping walking in life something inside of me always leads me to You....Amen."