Lets Cheer Him On, Once Again

I looked at a calendar on the wall in my office this morning. This one page calendar was broken into three lines with four months on each line. So, you start at the top left corner with January, and you finish at the bottom right corner with December. When I looked at the calendar, I noticed that with the end of April we have officially completed 1/3 of our year. Does that take anybody back a little, or is it just me? In just two short months, we will begin a countdown to the next Christmas season. Did we not just put all of the decorations back in the attic? Here are just a few of the thoughts (very closely linked to different emotions) that went through my head:
- My oldest child will be 8 years old very soon. If she leaves home for college at 18 (which most do), that means my wife and I are almost half way done having her at home. Can that be true?
- My second in line, my son, is starting to get too heavy to take up stairs at night to put to bed, or carry down in the morning because he does not want to get up, "its too early Daddy." And when I do get a hold of him to bring him down, I can feel his toes hit my knees. When did he get so big?
- My third sits me down at the end of the day and begins the story, "Today daddy I made this picture at playdays (the church day care), we played outside on the playground, mommy came to pick me up and we went to the store....",and I think you get the rest picture. It was just the other day she was having a hard time saying a word, now she can run through her entire day with me without missing a beat. When did she decide to grow up?
- My youngest child will be 3 years old very soon. My baby, is now talking (and with that comes an opinion), walking, and getting into trouble. Just yesterday I was holding her in a rocking chair in the hospital.

The thoughts and emotions led me down a path that made me think deeply about the time that we have here on this planet. I began to think about Aesop's fable, The Tortoise and the Hare. I began to remember the times in my life (which seem to be the case most of the time) when life seem to pass me by like the hare. Able to make turns on a dime, jumping over the log then dashing underneath bushes. The problem comes in this, when I see my children growing up so fast, I desire time to move more like the tortoise. I remember as a child, I would be having my "huffy" moments because I wanted to be "big enough to do that" (whatever "that" may be). "I can't wait till I grow up", I would yell. My mother would loving pull me aside and look me square in the eyes and say, "Never wish a moment of your life away, for we will never be able to get back the time that is gone." Now as a child I never understood, but now, as a father, everything comes into clarity. She was teaching me to do everything within my power to make time slow down, like the tortoise. Don't rush through life. Take time to appreciate the gifts given to you everyday. And maybe, just maybe we can slow time even it is just for one moment. Her teachings may have fallen on deaf ears so many years ago, but today they heard as loud trumpets.

This is one aspect of my life that I have always been able to appreciate, I am able to enjoy my children in whatever stage that are in that moment. I have never been one to say, "I can't wait until they are out of diapers." I have never said, "I wish they were old enough to feed themselves." As I look back on why I think I have been able to do this, it is because of the instructions given to me so long ago as an ungrateful child, "Never wish a moment of your life away." So, today I will take some time. Today I will look at my children and smile. Yes, there are moments that I want to pull my hair out (what hair I have left), but the majority of the time I thank God for the time I have with them. I take time off from work, so I can be there for a birthday party at school. I stand there with a smile on my face, as I watch my son hit a baseball. I listen with excitement in my eyes as my daughter recounts her day. And, I listen to each word of my baby, because I know before long she will be gone. And when I do this, I believe in some small way I allow the tortoise to win once again.

No Words Needed

Scared of the Dark

When I was a kid, I use to be very afraid of the dark. (And I grew up in Deep East Texas…where the definition of dark takes on a whole new meaning when you hit the off button) It was not one of those fears that made me come screaming out of a room every time the lights went out. I was not one of those children that would start running into walls looking far a way out. It was one of those fears that would paralyze me. I would freeze. My imagination would begin to run wild with pictures of creatures moving in the darkness around me. And if I ran, then I would run right into their waiting arms. So, being the smart kid that I like to think that I once was :), I began to sneak a flash light into my bed at night. (Looking back, I’m sure that my mother knew…but it made me feel better to think I was getting away with it) I would wait until everyone was asleep (and of course that would be the darkest time of the night – because no one was up to keep the lights on) and would bring out my little flash light, the one that was given to me for my birthday or Christmas the year before, from under the covers. You remember those old plastic flash lights that you could by at a dollar shop and would last all of a month or two. (Now I know many of you are saying, “What does the kind of flash light have to do with anything?”…Just hang with me I’m painting a mental picture here) The light would flicker on, and of course keep flickering due to either a lack of battery strength or lack of connection to said batteries with the metal strip on the top or the spring (that would shoot the batteries across the room…that’s why I never opened the flash light at night) at the bottom. So there I would be, sitting in my bed with a flash light that had very little flash or light to it. The light given off by this small piece of plastic would actually only give off enough light to put a soft bubble right around my bed. Now, this is where I bring you into this already lengthy post. Do you think that the light helped me? (Oh, I can hear the gears turning) It did not. In the darkness I thought that if I could just get a little light then my world would be a better place. With a little light, the darkness did not go away…it just changed. Instead of darkness (where I thought that the monsters could not see me), the little light had now given away my position to the beasts that awaited me in the shadows. So I turned it off, and the darkness surrounded me…and I was paralyzed once again.

I began to think, “Meme (that is what I call my mom) can help….Yes, if I could just get to Meme then everything would be alright…but that means walking all the way across the house…I don’t know if I can make it….what if…NO! Meme can help…I’ve got to get to Meme!” So, off I would go. With my un-trusted flash light, I would take one step and then another. “Wait…I thought I heard something…I’ve got to keep going!” The flash light only gave me enough light to see the things less than a foot away, but I had to keep moving. Finally, I reached her room. I walked very timidly to the side of the bed. “Meme”, I whispered. “Meme, are you awake”, I whispered just a little louder. “Meme, I’m scared.” At last I got an answer, “Baby, there is nothing to be afraid of.” Then she would either do one of two things. One (which I always preferred), she would let me lie next to her bed and fall asleep. Oh, how I remembered the peace that I always felt at those moment. The monsters may be in the shadows, but they were not going to get me tonight as long as my mother was there. Two, she would take me by the hand (the one without the flashlight) and lead me back into my room. I very clearly remember thinking how amazed I was that she did not need the flash light to maneuver around the corners and traps on the way back to my room. She would tuck me back into bed, rub my forehead, and with every confidence in her voice let me know that everything was going to be alright. She would even look around the room to make sure that the monsters were not there. Now, I have to admit that this was not my favorite of the two options. I still had to walk the dark path back to my room. I still had to sit in the dark room once she left. But, it seemed to be a little easier. I had been given the gift of her presence. I did not know for sure (because of my wild imagination) that the monsters were not there, but if they were at one time they had probably run away when my mother began looking for them.

I like to tell people (and even my children) that I am no longer afraid of the dark. But the more I think about it, can I really say that it is a fear that I have really kicked. You see, there are times in my life that I feel the darkness all around me (even on the brightest days). It is not the text book definition of darkness, but a darkness that brings back the same feelings of fear that I had as a child. I feel paralyzed. I feel like if I make one move, then I would fall right into the beasts waiting arms. So, I reach for my light…the faith that has been growing within me since I first came to know Christ. But, there are days when that light feels as if it is sputtering and flickering on and off. It is giving off some light, but only enough for one step, maybe two if I’m lucky. I begin to feel that this light is not helping at all. Every step I take comes with a stubbed toe or busied shin. So I turn it off and become paralyzed once again. After what seems to be hours, days, weeks, or months…a new thought begins to take root. “Wait…my Daddy…If I can just get to my Daddy, then everything will be alright…No there is to much darkness….I can’t make it…No!...My Daddy can help.” So I turn my light back on, and off I go. “Daddy, are you there”, I say with a whisper. “I’m right here”, answers the still small voice. Now, this is where one of two things happens. One, God allows me a time of rest right by His side. Oh, the peace and comfort I feel during those moments. The monsters outside may still be there, but they’re not getting me with my Daddy here. Two, God takes me by my hand (the one without the flashlight) and begins to lead me back down the path of life. The light is still just enough for one step or two if I’m lucky, but there is a different kind of confidence in those steps. A different kind of peace comes over me knowing that God does not need my little light to show the way, because He is the light and knows just where to lead me (even if I have no clue where I am). He tucks me back into my path (even though I wish I could have just stayed resting by His side) and with a still small voice reassures me that everything is going to be alright. I’m still in the dark. I’m still scared a little. But, it seems a little easier. I have been given the gift of His presence. I know that the monsters are still out there, but I walk with a little more confidence knowing that my Daddy is right there with me.

God Bless.

Today...this Moment

There is a problem that I have on a regular basis. This problem comes in two different forms.
1. I have a hard time letting go of the past.
We have all done things or have had things done to us in the past that seem to stalk us like a hungry wolf in the dead of winter. Those things that we wish we could just forget about, but always pounce back on us when we are at our lowest. Why? Why can’t I seem to move on, or just forget about those things? They don’t even have to be that terrible (in the grand scheme of things). You know those little words that did not seem to be “that” bad, but ended leaving a lasting impression on our and others souls. If they are things that I have done, I think of all the ways I “should” have handled the situation. “If I would have just done ….or….If I’d just said….it would all be different.” That feeling also applies to things done to me, “If I would have just kept my guard up more, or if I’d not put myself in that situation….it would all be different.” When I’m driving my car, I can not drive (at least safely) while looking through my rear-view mirror all the time. Yet, there I am trying to “drive” my life by looking out my rear-view mirror. It just doesn’t work.
2. I have a hard time looking to far into the future
The second part of my problem does not seem to “hurt” (at least at this moment) me as much, but can be just a devastating to my life. I would say that the word that comes to mind when I think of this part of my problem is “Worry”. Now, I know that there are some out there that say, “Oh, I don’t worry about things. I know that God will take care of everything, so I don’t worry.” Yeah, right. I don’t buy it. Take your finger….put it on your wrist….do you feel a pulse? Then you worry. I worry. I worry about things that would even seem to be “a legitimate worry”. “Am I doing what God wants me to do with my life?” “What kind of world are my children growing up in?” I am not saying that these are not things that we should not think about, but the point here is (and this is the problem that I have) is letting go of the thought just before it becomes a worry. Lets go back to my driving picture, this part of my problem would be like me trying to drive my car while looking down at my GPS (don’t have one, but just imagine with me) the entire time. It just doesn’t work.

Well, that is my problem. Am I the only one that struggles with this? Am I the only one that struggles with the FOCUS of my life? That is what it really comes down to, my FOCUS. If I allow myself to focus on the past, there will always be things that I wish I could have done differently. If I allow myself to focus on the future, there will always be things that I begin to second guess which leads to worry. Both of these foci are not on the proper person. You may be saying, “Wait, the proper person?” Yes, the proper person. When I take the time to look through my rear-view mirror, I am focusing on the things that I have done or were done to me by others. I am not focused on the proper person. When I take time to look down at my GPS and just focus at the final destination, I am focusing on things that I have no control over. I am not focused on the proper person. When it comes to our past, Christ tells us that all of it is as far as the East is from the West. When it comes to our future, Christ tells us to not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself. So where should my focus be, on Christ. And what does Christ want us to pay attention to, Today.

Now some people may be good at leaving it at that, but I have come to see that I need to not just focus on today….I need to focus on this moment. You see, my days (not just life) are like a rollercoaster ride. I can feel great one moment and feel like I’m going to puke the next moment. So, Christ is showing me that taking up my cross is not just a daily thing, but an “every moment” thing.
I leave you all with the video by Jeremy Camp. I really feel that this video captures the “moment” idea. Jesus, may we all learn to focus on You first…not just every day, but every moment.



Jeremy Camp
"Tonight"

In this time,
I know I need to be more broken
Then I find, I feel this passion grow
To face all that’s been lost
It’s not too late to give control now
I don’t know why I wait
You’re always calling me

Chorus:
Tonight, I will take my cross
Tonight, I will count this cost
Tonight, I will realize to take hold of this very moment

In this time, you draw me by these words You’ve spoken
I feel inside, this never-ending hope
I’ve placed all that I trust in knowing one day I will see You
The only thing worth holding onto is holding onto me

Chorus:

I will take this moment, and feel that it’s closer
And I kneel to show You this desperate heart of mine

(2x’s)
Chorus:

Tonight
Tonight

Mystery Revealed :)

This poem has always had a very special place in my heart. There is a depth to it that draws me in every time I read its words. I will not go through all the meaning that I find in it, so that you may find whatever the words have for you. I post it as a gift for all that read. (And for those that are curious, just remember: curiosity leads to questions, questions leads to searching, searching leads to knowledge, knowledge leads to understanding, understanding leads to God - but that's just my opinion...I could be wrong.) Blessings :)

The O-Filler
-Alastair Reid


One noon in the library, I watched a man--
imagine!-filling in O's, a little, rumpled
nobody of a man, who licked his stub of pencil
and leaned over every O with a loving care,
shading it neatly, exactly to its edges,
until the open pages
were pocked and dotted with solid O's, like villages
and capitals on a map. And yet, so peppered,
somehow the book looked lived in and complete.

That whole afternoon, as the light outside softened,
and the library groaned woodly,
he worked and worked, his o-so-patient shading
descending like an eyelid over each open O
for page after page. Not once did he miss one,
or hover even a moment over an a,
or an e or a p or a g. Only the O's--
oodles of O's, O's multitudinous, O's manifold,
O's italic and roman.
and what light on his crumpled face when he discovered--
as I supposed--odd woords, like zoo and ooze,
polo, oolong and odontology!

Think now, in that limitless library,
all round the steep-shelved walls, bulging in their bindings,
books stood, waiting. Heaven knows how many
he had so far filled, but no matter, there still were
uncountable volumes of O-laden prose, and odes
with inflated capital O's (in the manner of Shelley),
O-bearing Bibles and biographies,
even whole sections devoted to O alone,
all his for the filling. Glory, glory, glory!
How lovely and open and endless the world must have seemed to him,
how utterly clear-cut! Think of it. A pencil
was all he needed. Life was one wide O.

Anyway, why in the end should O's not be closed
as eyes are? I envied him. After all,
sitting across from him, had I accomplished
anything as firm as he had, or as fruitful?
What could I show? a handful of scrawled lines,
and afternoon yawned and wondered away,
and a growing realization that in time
even my scribbled words would come
under his grubby thumb, and the blinds be drawn
on all my O's. And only this thought for comfort--
that when he comes to this poem, a proper joy
may amaze his wizened face, and, O, a pure pleasure
make his meticulous pencil quiver.

The 5 D's of Dodgeball Could Keep Us from Spiderman and Forrest Gump

I had a friend of mine post on his blog, and it really made me think.

"Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I remember thinking (even as a young child) that I did not get this rhyme. I remember hearing it a lot, and even saying it, but never understood it. I remember thinking that I would rather have sticks and stones thrown at me. If something is thrown at you, you have the ability to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge. You know, the 5 D's of Dodgeball - I'll find out who the real movie people are out there :) Or, you can pull a Forrest Gump and get to a point where the person can no longer reach you with the throw. But words....words are a different creature. No matter how much you apply the 5 D's of Dodgeball, words will always smack you "right in the beak." You try to run as fast as you can, words will always catch up. Has anyone seen Spiderman 3? When I think of hurtful words, its like having that black suite on as Spiderman. When Peter figured out that the black-ooze on him was causing him and others pain, he tried to rip it off. He struggled and tore at it, but it seemed to want to hold on with all its might. That is how I see words. Words are a very powerful thing.

Am I saying anything that sounds new to anyone? I think that we all know this fact about the words we speak. Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." James 3:9-12 says, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers,
can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." (Man, I love James...but that's another post) Again, I'm not saying anything new here. Then, can I ask a very hard question: Why do we still have a hard time controlling our tongues? Trust me, this is one of those "when I point at you, I have three more pointing back at me" moments. I have "one of those days" and say things to my kids that keep me up at night (and even after I apologize to them, I still don't feel any less like a creep). And I swear, there are times that I think my wife is going to take me in a head-lock and give me a "nuggy" (is that spelled right) for some of things I say to her.

I don't know. I think from now on, I am going to apply the 5 D's of Dodgeball. If I don't think that what I am about to say can be dodged, ducked, dipped, dived, and dodged, then maybe I don't need to say it. I'm sure there will be times I still throw wrenches, but hopefully it won't be as much. It just might bring a smile to "our" Dodgeball Coaches face and keep others from feeling like Spiderman or Forrest Gump.

The Long Road Back

"Breathe Into Me"
RED

and this is how it feels when i ignore the words you spoke to me
and this is where i lose myself when i keep running away from you
and this is who i am when, when i don't know myself anymore
and this is what i choose when it's all left up to me

breathe your life into me
i can feel you
i'm falling, falling faster
breathe your life into me
i still need you
i'm falling, falling
breathe into me
breathe into me

and this is how it looks when i am standing on the edge
and this is how i break apart when i finally hit the ground
and this is how it hurts when i pretend i don't feel any pain
and this is how i disappear when i throw myself away

breathe your life into me
i can feel you
i'm falling, falling faster
breathe your life into me
i still need you
i'm falling, falling
breathe into me
breathe into me
breathe into me
breathe into me

breathe your life into me
i can feel you
i'm falling, falling faster
breathe your life into me
i still need you
i'm falling, falling
breathe into me

breathe your life into me!
i'm falling, falling faster
breathe your life into me!
falling, falling, falling
breathe into me
breathe into me
breathe into me
breathe into me

This video speaks to me every time I watch. The imagery is priceless. The reason it has a place in my heart is because I have been the one on the bed. Now, I know that the first thing that many of you reading are thinking is this, “Yes, I too have been the one on the bed. Before I knew Christ, things were full of shadows and pain, just like this video.” This statement would be true for all of us at that moment that we all came to know Christ, but let me ask a question. What if you feel like you are on the bed, and you have already accepted Christ into you life? Again, that is why the video touches my heart the way it does.

There was a time in my Christian walk where I began to not just walk away from Christ, but I was sprinting with my whole heart. The circumstances in my life were so bad in my opinion, that if this is what life (and especially the Christian life) had….I didn’t want it anymore. The farther and faster I ran the colder and more hopeless my life became. I began to feel that there was no where to go and no one to turn to. I remember talking to someone very special to me at this time in my life. That person looked me straight in the eyes (I’m sure they could see the lack of hope pouring from my heart) and said, “You don’t hear that still small voice anymore do you? I’ll pray that you hear it again.” At that moment I was broken. The exhaustion of my long hard run finally caught up to me. My mind, heart, and soul gave up the sprint. But, I remember very clearly thinking to myself, “I can’t take that long road back! I’m too tired! I won’t make it! Jesus, I would come back to You but I don’t have it in me!” I turned around to weep over the distance that I had put between myself and my Lord only to find out that He was right there the entire time. I began to figure it out. The faster I ran away, the faster Christ ran toward me. Jesus kept pace.

You see, there are times in our lives where we feel no hope, peace, love, comfort, smiles, warmth, compassion, joy, (You could probably add some others, we've all been there) and wonder how we came to be in this cold and miserable place. We begin to think, that even if we could find our way back to Jesus, do we have the strength to make the journey. I still have my times in life when I begin to feel those same old feelings trying to creep back into my head. I begin to think that I am alone and don’t know what to do next, but I now hear a still small voice telling me, “Just turn around.” Christ promised us Himself that He would always be there. John 14:18 says, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Isn’t that a beautiful picture? We will never be orphans. All we have to do is turn around and Christ will be there. The beauty of our Lord is that He never tries to force Himself upon us. He never tries to trip us and drag us kicking and screaming back to Him. He just keeps pace, always hoping that we will finally stop running and just turn around.

I have always heard(and tried to live by) the quote, “A journey of a million miles begins with one step.” Let me revise the quote just a little for our purposes, “A journey back to Christ begins with one step….and I think you're going to find that is all it's going to take.”

It's Time to Throw Our Shells

I love this song. I love this video. May God Bless




"Ocean Floor"

Audio Adrenaline

The Mistakes I've made
That cause pain
I could have done without
All my selfish thought
All my pride
The things I hide
You have forgot about

Chorus

They’re all behind you
They’ll never find you
There on the ocean floor
You sins are forgotten
They’re on the bottom
Of the ocean floor

My misdeeds
All my greed
All the things that haunt me now
They’re not a pretty sight to see
But they're wiped away
By a mighty, mighty wave
A mighty, mighty wave

Your sins are erased
And they are no more
They’re out on the ocean floor

Take them away
To return no more
Take them away
To the ocean floor
To the ocean floor
To the ocean floor

Your sins are erased
They are no more
They’re out on the ocean floor